Well if you have been following me for awhile you will know that I am the queen of beating myself up when it comes to my body. I am the negative body-image queen and that is the whole reason behind this blog…to change that.
I got an injury about 4-months ago, and it is still lingering. I have no idea what I did, but my spine was all messed up and I could not move my arm or shoulder, well I guess it’s all related, without have severe pain.
I was not sleeping because it hurt so bad, which made me so sleep deprived and just bitchy. I was going to the gym 4-5 days a week and that went down slowly from 2-3 days to ZERO days a week.
At first I just limited the upper body workouts but after a few weeks I had to quit everything because even walking would put pressure on my back and make my arm throb. I was at a loss…not weight wise, but attitude wise big time. My mental game plummeted to nothing.
I went from 189 up to 204 in 4-months. My eating was OK but the more depressed I got the more I ate. I ate a ton of sugar I don’t normally do because I was stareving for a quick feel good thing and sugar can do that…for a minute.
I started going to a chiropractor after the 2 1/2 month mark. It has helped and now I am able to cardio it up again but whatever is happening in my spine and shoulder will still inflame if I try anything with the upper body. My muscle was so inflamed for so long it has been a long and hard process to work-it-out.
I have been able to play with the kids, as I posted a few days ago. We made a snowman, I took down the Christmas stuff, and shoveled the trampoline but I did pay for it later that night. It was not as horrible as it has been but I did ache and had to take some ibuprofen to take some of the inflammation, and shooting pains away.
Now I am back to my routine, well minus the upper body strength training. I did 1.5 weights on my arms doing the decorations and that wasn’t horrible, but if I pick up 3-pound dumb bells and try to do small exercises…forget it. So my new goal is to just wear the 1.5 arm weights for a few minutes every day and see how that goes. I can’t quit totally on the upper body, I know I need some strength training but I need to know my limits.
So mentally I checked out for about 3-4 months. It was not good and my waist line has proved that. I noticed it through my law of attraction as well. Things were not going well for me mentally so I had/have invited some negativity into my home and it is very apparent. I have not had nearly the control I had before when I was in check mentally and allowing in the good.
Even if my arm/shoulder thing is a permanent injury I can still get to my goal weight and feel good an enjoy all the universe has to offer. I just have to let the positivity back in and the universe will provide. If I don’t feel good, or allow myself to feel good then I will get exactly what I ask for…crap and weight gain. So far that is what I have got over the last 4-months. Is it someone else’s fault? Hell now, it’s mine, I get that. I can’t expect anyone else to change it, but me.
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